Friday, December 30, 2011

Solitude in happiness....


I have been on an exile and I have come back different.. :) Feels good. Its like always.. been long since I wrote or blogged. Everyday as I begin my day.. There are situations, dialogues, incidents which I decide to tweet in 160 characters or write a full fledged blog pouring out my views on the topic. But trust, there were just so many things that I have observed that when I used to sit in front of the word editor, I used to blank out.

For me, everything works out. :) I have the insight to see through a situation and congratualte myself that the result is anyways beneficial to me. Don't wonder.. I am in control of my perspective. That's it!

Life has been loving, lovely, gentle, exciting, tipsy, loud, chaotic and calm. But this December around, somethings have turned out very different from the last 11 months of this year. In the solitude of these nights, I realized that though they seemed perfect in a way.. the times that went by were flawed more because I refused to accept the muck in it. I can just claim an inner feeling which always went - 'No ... Somethings not right. Something's missing' And yea for the mere mortals that we all are.. it is never within our grasp to know what exactly is going on.

Somehow the dust is settling now. And me too. Eventually, its not the big day or the big night.. it is the everyday that we overlook.
It took effort but the mundane, routine and small stuff of life are what are enjoyable and permanent. They really are the things one can rely on to help you move on in life when you feel its all over.

I want to share this.. Coz I would not stop dispensing what I know. Somewhere, somehow it shall work, connect in a good favour.

Spreading love n cheer..

Greetings of the season.


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Why I love Osho..

Osho : ”It is easy to be a sculptor because you are working with lifeless objects. You can create beautiful statues but those statues are dead. You cannot relate with them, you are alive. There is no dialogue possible between life and death.

 You can appreciate; you can enjoy; it is your creation. You can feel fulfilled — whatever you wanted, you succeeded in doing it. But remember one thing: on the other side, there is no one. You are alone.

 Because of this situation, there are people who can love their dogs, who can love their gardens, who can love their cars, who can love anything in the world except man. Because man means you are not alone, the other is there. It is a dialogue. With a statue, it is a monologue. The statue is not going to say anything, is not going to criticize you, is not going to possess you. You possess the statue; you can sell it in the market. But that you cannot do with a human being. That is the problem.

 When you start relating with human beings, you have to take into consideration that they are not things, they are consciousnesses. You cannot dominate them…although almost everybody is trying to do that, and spoiling their whole life. The moment you try to dominate a human being, you are creating an enemy, because that human being also wants to dominate. You may call it love, you may call it friendship, but behind the curtain of friendship and love and brotherhood there is a deep will to power. You want to dominate; you don’t want to be dominated. With human beings, you will be in constant conflict. The closer you are, the more the conflict will hurt you. There are thousands of people who have been so wounded by human relationship that they have dropped out of all human love, friendship. They have turned towards things. It is easier: the other party is always willing, whatsoever you want to do. You are an artist, you sculpt. But have you ever thought about what you are doing? You are cutting chunks of the marble — that you cannot do to a human being, but people are doing that to human beings too. Parents are cutting their children’s wings, their freedom, their individuality. Lovers are cutting each other continuously.

 To be in love with a human being is not an easy affair. The love affair is the most difficult affair in the world for the simple reason that two consciousnesses, two alive beings, cannot tolerate any kind of slavery. To love a human being is one of the most difficult things in the world because the moment you start showing your love, the other starts going on a power trip. He knows you are dependent on him or on her. You can be enslaved psychologically and spiritually and nobody wants to be a slave. But all your human relationships turn into slavery. No statue will make you a slave. On the contrary, the statue makes you a master craftsman, it makes you a creator, an artist. There is no conflict.

The real test for love is with human beings. A man is really intelligent if he can make a human relationship work smoothly. It needs great insight. Creating a statue or making a beautiful painting is one thing — those paints won’t say, “I don’t want to be put on this corner of the canvas, I simply refuse!” Wherever you want it, the paint is available. But it is not so easy with human beings. Every human being has a birthright not to be dominated by anyone — but also a birth duty not to try to dominate anyone. And only then, friendship can flower. Love needs a clarity of vision. Love needs a cleaning of all kinds of ugly things which are in your mind: jealousy, anger, the desire to dominate. Love is a new phenomenon that has arisen with human consciousness. You will have to learn it. Creating beautiful paintings, poetries, sculpture, music, dances — that is all in your hands. But when you come into contact with a human being, you have to understand that on the other side is the same kind of consciousness. You have to give respect and dignity to the person you love. This is the reason why you cannot relate with human beings.

 Forget about human beings and love — you simply meditate. That will release in you the insight, the vision, the clarity, and the energy to share. Love is another name of sharing your abundant energy. You have too much, you are burdened with it. You would like to share it with people you like. Your love — what you call love — is not a sharing, it is a snatching. You will have to change the meaning of love. It is not something that you are trying to get from the other. And this has been the whole history of love — everybody is trying to get it from the other, as much as possible. Both are trying to get, and naturally, nobody is getting anything.

 Love is not something to get. Love is something to give. But you can give only when you have it. Do you have love in you? Have you ever asked this question? Sitting silently, have you ever observed? Do you have any love energy to give? You don’t have; neither has anybody else. Then you get caught in a love relationship. Both are pretenders, pretending that they are going to give you the very paradise. Both are trying to convince each other that “Once you get married to me, a thousand Arabian nights will be forgotten — our nights, our days will all be golden.” But you don’t know that you don’t have anything to give. All these things you are saying just to get. And the other is doing the same. Once you are married, then there is going to be trouble because both will be waiting for a thousand Arabian nights and not even an Indian night is happening! Then there is an anger, a rage which slowly, slowly becomes poisonous.

 Love turning into hate is a very simple phenomenon, because everyone feels betrayed. You show one face at the beach, in the movie hall, on the dance floor. It is perfectly okay for half an hour or one hour sitting on the beach, holding each other’s hands, dreaming about the beautiful life that is ahead of you. But once you are married, all that you have been expecting, dreaming, will start evaporating. Meditate. Become more and more silent, quiet, calm. Let a serenity arise in you. That will help you in a thousand and one ways…not only in love, it will also help you to create better sculpture. Because a man who cannot love human beings — how can he create? What can he create? A loveless heart cannot be authentically creative. He can imitate, but he cannot create.All creation is out of love, understanding, silence.

 Excerpted from Sermons in Stones/Courtesy Osho International Foundation/

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

And the tough gets going.

Possibly the toughest phase of my life. Like always,I have defied the customary regular straight path to anything. I have been without a job and getting another one seems like a lottery. Not because I can't, but this time I am serious about my career and which way I take now on really decides my life.

My priorities shifted and shook like a tsunami. Life suddenly seemed extremely real.
There were issues, money issues, experience issues, job issues, strained relationship issues n on n on.
I felt from within like a hapless soul. I knew I am jacked for the first time. My own words of Chill, it will happen soon, started scaring me.

I was frantically moving about meeting people I thought I would never meet again. I was asking for help. I had no time to think or be worried about my ego and stupid things. Nothing mattered as it mattered. I was saving my life literally. I remember weeks and weeks of agony of trying everything I could and waiting for a message or a call or an email and not seeing it. I could not sit back and wonder at my bad luck. There was no time for that. If not this, the next best thing ..Move On Sne! The stress was having me..eating into my water weight, my appetite, buying anything I avoided as much I could, I felt guilty to eat anything out if I felt hungry. I subjected myself to feel what I was actually going through.
I met up with my professor who became a dear friend, she was a nice counsellor as she was a professor of Pscychology. Meeting her really made me come to terms with my current reality. She did not give me any high advice. She just made it simple for me. And so did the many people, figures I met for the first time in the past 4 months. That everyone had their share of dark days, struggle and coping up.
She did not become any magician for me. It was a call to go back to my creator, put my faith in Him that He is there for me and that I should trust every part of this process and that I am gonna come out fine and better.

Despite the pain and agony, I liked that my days in this phase as they were different. I could not sleep. My brain was thinking ahead..and not backwards. I would get up out of fear. I would run around, travel all over the city as many times as I could. Though I have been broke for a very long time, my money has not disappeared. It sufficiently helps me live. I became humble towards my situation, others and most importantly I am humble towards myself.

Nothing came out from criticizing and pushing myself or berating myself over. I had to love myself no matter what, afterall I was the worst critic of another of God's creation. I had to trust Him to be taking care of me and I had to live with that realization, every moment. Now my phase is still the same but the unfounded fears and panic attacks have gone. So has the anger and hardened feelings melted. Now I am at the turn towards the greatest moments in my life.
Grab thy arm with love and take one self with you ahead.. to paradise!


Sunday, April 3, 2011

India : You showed me to NEVER SAY NEVER~~


Its just been a few minutes that an excellent performance of Cricket made me sit on the edge of my Baithak churning with excitement to scream for every 4 or 6 my team was hitting.

I watched the second innings from 13th over onwards.. I underestimated it to be another regular shuffle n struggle from the Indian Cricket Team but not really a glory fought for. And I am so glad I was proved wrong. :)

India EARNED the World Cup and All My Hats off to Mahendra Singh DHONI, Captain of the Indian Team.

As I was expecting, the fall of the crucial twosome at the top order was going to have had the Indian Team sitting with low expectations and fear. The pressure in this match was tremendous. And me, I wasn't really with my team then.

The spectacle turning point was the fall of sachin and sehwag with no runs build up to boost everyone's confidence. SACHIN TENDULKAR to say the least did not go as expected. Here is where most the people start to look at other things around knowing that the game has gone right out of our hands.

Gambhir holds on well. The most unexpected at a WORLD CUP FINAL would be a change in the batting order by the captain. Oh! He is now in the red eye of everyone. AND YEA.. HE walks in with pride on the field to bat!

Like the past record holds true, everyone says this one is not gonna play, its a complete dud!

And yes, me too said it Bang ON! "YE KYA KHELEGA?"

Slowly with him scoring 20 runs closely with the balls faced, I started to feel my gut.I was definitely going to be proven wrong.

By his 40 runs, I realize the potential of a man who thoroughly believes in himself and who is fighting with none but himself. I am Forced in my subconscious to admit I am Wrong! This feeling is brilliant coz no one else can hear it. I just Know it.

I cheer him on till the end, totally exuberant and flabbergasted by his sole victory.

Here stands a man, who proved god knows how many people wrong. His disposition on the field, his interaction with Yuvraj, his composure and immense strength of his spirit and mind was visible.
I witnessed a Captain most certain about his chances and ways to prove them just right.

I watched as I remembered the enthu and craziness of my school friend and me, when we went all out on the night before the Final World Cup match in 2003. We had the belief, we had the wishes and we were equally the sport that we were. Later on, the years that followed, I saw less of cricket and matches and always had no feel good factor for any victory of my country in Cricket.

Today, I am proud to admit having been proved wrong, having to celebrate the worthwhile anticipation and excitement that the Indian Cricket Team bestowed upon all.

It showed me in no uncertain and loud terms that Baby, you Never Say Never. That someday things will turn around. You have to just keep going for it.

All wishes to MS Dhoni, The Real Hero of the night. This was totally his. For having turned so many things around in one night. Special thanks to Gary Kirsten. The mental preparation and attitude of the players won us through this afterall.

Tomorrow..He is the Hero, a remarkable captain gone down in the victorious World Cup match, He has been forgiven n loved by millions, he got us OUR Cup and he made me rethink what I let go.

Thank you endlessly.


Out of boredom

Here I am in my office.. the sun is about to set in some time. I am not exactly bored but I definitely don't want to work. I don't want to work, yes.
For the past 3 weeks, I have been tortured by the thoughts of what I really want to do in my life.. not tht it had spared me before but it was too much that I could not work properly. Its like a voice roaring and telling me - What the **** are you doing? And Why??
NO answer.

I feel I glorify the feeling which must be concurrent to any other person struggling to find his purpose in life. :) for anyone, his own issue is such a big thing. Its my big round world staring in my face, such that I can't see anything else.

Funny it all is.. really!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The mandate of life.

Long time.. Hellos,

Hope life's all good with you with all the ups n downs. The way change keeps happening, it must've happened to all I am sure. New places, new designations, new jobs ( ask me:)), new family if you are married, new relationships, new discoveries for urself. Change is so constant.

Still some things stay the same. In my earlier para, I spoke of the positive changes coz that's what happens any which ways. To look at the other side, yea it would mean you may have lost your job, got fired, gave up on one or you have been dumped, cheated or abandoned someone in the earlier relationship and likewise.

Yes, stuff keeps happening. How many times our expectations crash, heart breaks, sadness prevails, but still things keep changing. Nothing truly lasts forever. While we focus on the casualty of disappointments with regards to what we thought would work in our way and the dramatization of our feelings n sympathies, it slips our attention..doesn't it? WHAT? - The mandates!

I know it is something you would never agree on had you been going through a tough time, but seriously we forget the mandates!

Mandates- those things that are going to continue happening no matter what.

1) Breathing : Ohh! We have to be reminded that we breathe! :) The most reliable proof of the very present moment. Breathe! Through anything n everythin, as long as you are going to live, you will be breathing.

2) Eating : Yes, we need to eat and sooner or later than the heartbreak we do eat! It is stupid to not want to eat to justify your emotional depth of the bruise. Mostly, we would be eating to soothe ourselves.

3) Shitting : Ohh crap! What am I talking about? Yes, crap! It would be surprising to believe this but the very Hush-hush n shame associated with this thing has made most of the population succumbing to IBS...

4) Farting : Yes baby, you are an organism processing things inside and you are gonna pass that gas out. Sometimes, it gives you the much needed laugh-at-yourself.. doesn't it? :)

5) Loving : We were born to, meant to love and be loved. That is the thing we live for. No matter what You are going to love love. Keep loving push it harder n move on to it!

6) Family : Easily ignored. Those who are always there for us, worrying about us and whose attention we mostly end up taking for granted. Don't. They need you. It's a good reason to push through your end-of-the-world feeling. They are ALWAYS AROUND.

7) For the person who should really care about, your creator : Yea folks, think about that ONE who made you! He made you with all his love, he brought you in this life for a purpose he knows the best. Remember, all your disappointments n roadblocks would be his way of pushing you to where u really need to be. So, you need not ever feel down when something does not work out..just know he is there for you. It's an awesome feeling to trust him n leave your worries right there.

Now do you find enough reasons as to where you can focus your attention at the time of crisis and dejection.
All the glamour, ettiquettes, style, status, culture, ratings go off where there is the need to survive. And those things are the most important to get through.

I have written this post with regards to God Knows how many lives out there in the quake-stricken Japan who must be battling and picking up pieces of their lives when all that they had materially, socially and also for their identity got washed off in minutes and they were left bare with Mother Earth. They are surviving and also giving us hope through their amazing stories of surviving the most horrifying tsunami disaster till date.

The mandates of life must say, make us go on. I realized that while feeling low n bad for myself in those tough times, had I paid attention to these mandates n eased myself, the rest was anyways gonna be the way it happened. :)

As goes Paulo Coelho - No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

Signing off..

Friday, January 14, 2011


Its only words and words are all I have...

More than words..

We have two songs here, classics they are - both trying to say something and how - WORDS. Its words which have been used to communicate something to you. So is it all words or more than that..I am touching this aspect of words..coz I do not anymore believe in words. And it would do us all a lot more good.. if we control our reliance on words.

N why do I think so? Coz most of the people I spent my time with moulded this thought in me..their actions were never married to their words. Infact, if we pay attention or we carefully listen to what everyone is saying, meaning and intending..we would realize we only believe what we have been conditioned to believe, what we would want to believe.

Why is the association with words?

Words have their importance of being THE Way to communicate and get through. Communication - one of the most important and most vital needs of human beings. It all starts from there. There is verbal communication and non verbal communication. Non verbal communication is body language, gestures and actions done when two people don't know the other's language. Verbal communication is the most widely used, no stats available and keeps happening everywhere. Lets come towards our point. I would like to break verbal communication into - sense, non sense and noise with particular regards to human - human verbal communication done at all the strategic places in your life by about anybody.

For me, I have grown up totally believing what anyone said and literally bind these people to their words. I could not come to terms with this fallacy for a long time. Afterall, why would people talk about things they never meant. Isn't it? BUt yea, people talk and they talk.. I would remind people what they had said- n why they don't mean it. Some gave me a Oh-what-could-I-do look and some actually shrugged and gav a sly smile as if mocking at me taking words so seriously. Though I could guess it, I could not just not take anyone non-seriously..words always were registered in the head with the people. Blaming people and cutting off from those who never meant to mean what they said was much less to lessen the pain of disassociating from wordly attachment. I had to long understand that its NOT THEIR FAULT EITHER.
All of us are not conditioned to staying quiet, live silently and only say as much as you intend to put into action or ask. I seriously had to imagine a world where people meant what they said and took it seriously till the end of their lives. It is freaking scary to imagine that. It will take away all the dramma out of our lives.
Here is when the Tao philosophy works- that for the useful to be of value, the useless is equally important.

My major reason for stress, - somebody's words and I could finally disassociate with them. And it took a lot to get here. Feels peaceful, awesome.. coz I am not expecting this from others..but I love it when I do it myself.. N I am still practising. Spells of silence in the day, being aware of the sounds around rejuvenates me. I love to sit alone and have my food, I could end up having my office chai alone at times, sitting in the parking lot. Its meditative and relaxing. I feel like I totally got my attention.

So many things said, was using my memory to store all of this information. That memory was the ground to judge and behave with those people.. I finally dumped it. I wish I had learnt this earlier..but then it must be the journey till here that made me realize words may not do good to me..I had to know what mattered most to me and what my feelings were saying..In all of my matter how much I judged n prejudiced..I was equally struggling and never could be fair with My own words.

P.S: Thank you Sne for sparing me the horror. It's not good to play games..n still feel like a victim. :)