One of the first lessons that I remember learning when I was small was to always tell the truth. I took it very seriously. Just when I was settling with a bare open relationship between truth and me and whoever demanded that truth, I also got introduced to some people as 'elders', caretakers, relatives, important office people from my parents's work places. That is when I was told to behave myself, never eat more than one cookie, to say that I loved their food eventhough the curry lacked spice. My confused face started since then. I never knew - whether the truth really mattered. But as a whole, I was again reminded to speak the truth - always.
What I happened to take from here was a lesson that no matter how tough, how heart breaking, I shall always be truthful. I would tell my aunt her food sucked, I would beat up my brother if he lied, I would tell some guests to go away from home because I wanted to sleep and in no mood to entertain. I thought I was being brave and fair, I was speaking the truth.
I eventually realized nobody likes to hear the truth. Even if they advocate it, even if they wanted it..they will still frown upon HOW I told them the truth.
I, according to my folks, am a rude person. I only talk things which hurt. So my next question was whether I should lie. But I could not. I should learn to pretend. I could not. The first lesson was deeply ingrained in my sub conscious and I took pride in the fact that I could say the truth without any sugar coating.
I thought I was real. No. I was a fool. People don't like you to tell them whats true or lie. They want you to make them feel important, loved and even if its the harshest thing, say it with all the love and humility to ease the blow.
I just love to honestly talk about the worst things more than the beautfiul things. Because when you appreciate, as a default nobody takes it so seriously. Tell them 'you suck' and they want to know why. So its never about being rigid with your beliefs. They have to be altered with reference to situations, conditions, people - all of which don't give respect to the 'truth' according to me.
Eventually I chanced upon what truth is. Truth is not talking something honest devoid of any emotion, like a fact. Truth just is. I talk or I don't. It will exist on its own. Even when you excuse people or take a leave in office saying you have a headache, they all know you are lying. But this is socially acceptable. It is the way we live.
What would we all be without lies. We have different degrees to lying but truth is complete in itself. Just like light, which can be dim or bright but darkness is totality.
And as far as my seeking goes, I am not interested in the varying shades of lies but in the totality of the truth.
Truthfully saying, as of now in my life, I do not know whether I am still the truth person or the bigesst liar.
Because this analysis and justification of true, lies and the human interaction has numbed my understanding and beliefs. I catch myself in a conversation, talking the biggest crap because otherwise I would not have any conversation with the other person at all.