Sunday, June 23, 2013

Bleed


Always vocal. Aren't we? When do we shut up?
The house is quiet, yet screaming..
Water runs for no purpose,
Plates make so much noise,
I hear glass, its gonna break,
and it does..

Every element is talking
for the person who yearns to,
there is friction,
every act is making sound,
inner desires r burstling out,
loneliness is killing you,
yet, you take your plate and eat

No one knows love,
no one knows what you lose,
but the stomach is hungry,
the soul is starving,
What is left..
break glass..
Its a settled feeling,
that something is happening,

As they bleed,
we all succumb into our own web,
we are all silent,
but we are screaming.

And the glass will break..
just like my heart,
broken , unbroken
just like what you do with leftover glass,
you break it as much,
its useless, so break it,
the feel of relief to do so

Ears can't close,
the mind gets stronger,
voices you can't drown.
just as they stop outside,
they take over from the inside..

Just if, there was no desire,
to eat, to love and to share,
What a silence would that be..
Or will I still hear breaking glass
just like now
when it is so quiet,
it could kill







Monday, June 17, 2013

Crashed, Burned, Saved, Survived, Loved


Crash And Burn by Savage Garden 





When you feel all aloneAnd the world has turned its back on youGive me a moment pleaseTo tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on youIt's hard to find reliefAnd people can be so coldWhen darkness is upon your doorAnd you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you callIf you jump I'll break your fallLift you up and fly away with you into the nightIf you need to fall apartI can mend a broken heartIf you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone
When you feel all aloneAnd a loyal friend is hard to findYou're caught in a one-way streetWith the monsters in your headWhen hopes and dreams are far awayAnd you feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you callIf you jump I'll break your fallLift you up and fly away with you into the nightIf you need to fall apartI can mend a broken heartIf you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and painAnd when it's over you'll breathe againYou'll breathe again

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This song by Savage Garden. So where do I start? Firstly I saw song on MTV like ages ago, once or twice. All that I remember was the tune when he says 'then crash and burn you're not alone' and the hand gestures that he does to convey that. I found this song on Youtube like 15 years or so later. 


The meaning of this song by this time now..  had totally turned into unreal, too 80s and 90s stuff. Stupid promises, shallow lyrics. I still listen to this song for the very music I fell for. I mean.. I, as of today, as of a few months completely thwarted these kind of reassuring words. Reassurance as I felt is a sedative given so that you fall equally hard but you drop your guard while you are falling. I hated such words. Loathed them. Give it to me real was what I propagated through my every walk and talk. 


Having totally pressed up my belief system in survival and law of jungle mode, I never wanted to turn the other cheek you see. But this life thing as much hard and cruel it may get, gives me as much...like a sea change, waves pouncing on me, roaring in my ears, pulling away all that I have gathered to unlearn. Time is changing, the past never looked better and the future is the best form of present. 
As I put my headpnones on and hear this same song, I see that person in front of my eyes waving his hands to me telling me, making me feel those words true.. not as words but as actions.  

Now go back to the start of the page and re-read those lyrics and believe it happening just the way I had to. Again and again.. 

Ok done. 








Thursday, June 13, 2013

Raining

If the tense of my blog subject should say anything, I would like to attribute this to my living in the present. It takes a while to get rid of your earlier beliefs, notions and way of living.
My habits were more of a personal remorse nature. Nobody outside had anything to do with it. I lived on an existential plane of my own ideas and sorry but no one was invited there. Why would you wanna know?

I make oh so many plans.... Plans which enable me to live as if its a reason necessary to. No plan and I almost coolly conclude my life to be over so what if I was still breathing. As dark as the humor of life, I have got this dark humor of my own for life. We live in fair play. Again, my need to have everything be fair.

I am a freak when it comes to control. Things have to be in order, surprises have to be guessable and change is welcome but my mind should have done the recce of the new space beforehand. I gallantly have been placing my own bets and shoulds on how things should unfold with me.
I encourage this humongous task on The Almighty force of life to shake me from the core and jerk me out of stupid rigid fallacies. And succeed it does eventually. What were my plans!

Incidentally, welcoming a sea change in the arena of thought control, I decided to give it all up.
It was not working out. I overworked without pay, my poor hapless but seeking mind, to stop investing itself on the volatility of the power of this amazing life.

I do understand the nuances of surrender. You know what I mean.. When you push all the responsibility and blame on that unknown faithful, hopeful entity to take care of you. Seems fine to start with. But babe, I ain't stopping thinking. I need to know, I need to work my thought through.
Can't unthink and not think.

I have given up the need to know. I don't wanna know. Yes somethings will
go...some places I won't be available, some one will get hurt, someone won't be able to take this change. Fine, I can't help it. It's not me. I want this machine inside to rest a while.
I want it to feel and laze and still know that it's taken care of.

It's raining. Let it rain.
Wash away the thoughts,
Dust away those layers,
Undo the scars, if you may...
I am coming home,
Give me space.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Good ol' hair days


Whatever happened to men with nice, flowing, silky hair..
This thought perturbed me whenever I saw a hot piece of ass and moved my eyes up.. 'Yikess! The hair.'
You may think me judgemental and very hair freaky but I did not pay much attention to it till ofcourse it was mentioned to me as to what a hair really is to a man.

I always loved the eyes. A freely given smile or a hearty laugh and I was done. I was never really into a man's body as such. I hated over worked out looks. Those 'watermelons under my under arms and awkward walk coz I forgot to work my legs out' - loathe it.
Over gelled, martian looks, eyebrows better than mine and cleaned up skin - god I need men back.

I dated someone with the hair of a porcupine. Everytime I wanted to express my fondness and move my hand into his hair I got the red flag - "It takes too much effort to set them like that. Ohh. I gelled my hair too young and now I have very rough, straight growth of hair. So please, don't touch my hair."
You cannot not touch someone's hair when you are into them. All this caution-precaution finally caught my attention to the hair. And as I saw closely, men no more had those flowy, soft hair and they fuss about you touching them.

I was missing the hair suddenly. I wanted to rub someone's hairdo and wanted them to smile about it. I was getting yelled at instead. Damn those ads and films that show a chick doing that to the guy's hair and it being an act of affection.

I was then wandering around just looking at hair, seeing the patterns. What have these people done to their hair. And just once in a while I would get a glimpse of some bouncy, healthy, soft hair on a man and I would go awww... that! I wanna feel that.

Its a year since I have these hairy thoughts and now I have a classic man who I can just keep looking and appreciating like a piece of art. He has the eyes, the smile, the twinkle, THE HAIR - soft and I can feel them as much as I want to and the most amazing skin that I have ever felt. None of those weirdass notions exist, no nakhraas...
Don't know but I think I fell for the hair on the head and the lack of it everywhere else.....

:)