Friday, October 25, 2013

In Security!


Security. Did I sum it all up when I say this word. I hear this word a lot. Infact, I have been hearing for as long as ever from my parents, peers, mentors, teachers. Why is security such a big deal. Life is nothing but perpetual uncertainty yet planning, society norms, rituals and paperwork is something we depend our life on.

There are two aspects to this. One is when you really freak out and do everything it takes to secure yourself. You will count what you do, what you get. Give as much as you get and never get into a risky scenario.
Most of the general public lives by this.
Then there is a maddening aspect - where you will build yourself strongly for every insecurity, keep replaying the lack of it in your head and wait for it to actually happen in your life so you feel good you invested in a kind of security insurance program. (Well I don't think even being prepared for your worst loss actually subtracts anything from the pain you may feel then.) But as we evolved and lost out the need of an appendix, we also evolved to such an extent as to train our minds to not want the things we really need the most.
This is one sickness that has engulfed us in recent times, struggling against all the insecurities around and keep looking for a sane corner.

Agreed. Times have really changed. ( like they have for all the millions of years), times are tough ( they never were supposed to remain the same), it used to be easier before ( Bitch please)... Our mind really has no constructive work, does it?

After a detailed discussion with a few peers, we all asked and stopped at - When do we ever feel secure?
When is a time in life after which you really start to only think a positive outcome to whatever happens in life and know that you are indeed fine. Perhaps never, atleast in our minds.

When I feel responsible for every bloody thing happening around me or the lack of control on everything around me - I palpitate and keep wondering the outcomes. And its a nice little drama scene I go through.
Conclusion - I just waste two days of my time to get back to normal. When I am normal, I can easily know that I cannot possibly be controlling anything. Everything is flowing, it flows around me, in front of me, ahead of me and I am one of the many elements in this flow. So I basically am not responsible for most of the things that happen. I do definitely have the power to react and choose the many options which I feel may have been predecided. Then why the worry, the panic? My ancestors may know.

I don't always have answers. I am not always the same person. I am neither good nor bad. I am no definition. I am no security. I am no prediciton.

Some wise man said these words to me as much as he took the pain to imprint them on his forearm - seize the moment. What is that we have really got,what is our own? Just our own self, our breath and this passing moment  - a small drop in the ocean, a moment that could possibly have the potential of a great future to be build. What do we do with it? We worry about security! Isn't it something that crosses our mind.. for eg. what if i lose - my house, my lover, my reputation, my job, my earnings, my friends, ....a lot can go in this list. We should wonder what will happen if we lose ourselves. Quite damaging. We do lose our self by obsessing over things in our head and forgetting what we truly have got with us - the moment. Then the mind keeps holding us down to keep us safe.
We are more hurt by the fear of getting hurt. We don't value our self enough to look at the same losses and think I am better off without it. Our opinion is swayed by people, current influences, circumstances but our own judgement. So where would security be? It definitely doesn't come in a questionnaire from a magazine about whether you are a control freak or no.

Then where? Its right here with you. Right now. Within you. Waiting for you to see the other side. How lucky are you to get till here. How secure it is that when you fear losing some one moron, there are other little souls waiting for you to call them and say Hi, How have you been?

Security, the same wise person said, is a feeling. A thought. Its there if its there or else it isn't. It never really exists for sure in any material form. So despite the paperwork, promises, rituals, future predictions and assurances, you still feel a tingling feeling inside that it may all still fall apart.

The fact is, and you would notice it, that someday you may lose it all and you will be okay. You will breathe and be alive to notice it didn't really kill you. That you have not actually lost but gained something you cannot explain.You will then look at the same situation so differently you wouldn't even remember how much you fretted for this disaster. Because it won't matter.