Sailing smooth isn't my first nature. And getting used to a life where sailing smooth does indeed exist has ironically been a rocky ride for me.
I had labelled certain things in the attempt to move on from the pending drama in certain situations. I had to shake it all up. Let some fresh air into the system just as some fresh ideas and people into my life.
2013 doesn't sound like a great year but it was the best. Intense.
Its already nearing a close. And somehow I am unable to sum it up in certainties.
I spend a full day wondering what I am upto and where have I reached. That we have GPS systems to make our location hunting easier, it is imperative to know exactly where you are so that it can do its work.
So where am I? A whole day of scouting stuff online and in a bookstore and I neared a panic attack. Handling capacities are much better. Test one passed.
Sometimes even optimism seems like a dark humor, something you need to soon get away from. That is psychosis of the high order. Some days, the dark and rush of hormones seem like a much needed break from monotony. A wandering spirit like I feel, its a relief to be lost. These are the times I can't bear the noises of monotony.
How do you decide when is much...just too much?
We do talk of the proverbial lines to define certaain limits, territories. I can't figure them out. Where is the line? What makes me not equally there as much I am here.. Do our talks and the way we use words and situations really make sense. Do I need to agree to common head nodding lines like - what goes around, comes around and I believe in Karma. Not always.
Mostly we all are just using these elements to be able to talk to each other. Even while stating our ideas and beliefs, we can catch ourselves lying. But we lie and the audience agrees to you as if they believed it themselves. And it reaches a point of too much.
Truth isn't definite. Its equally a relative concept to time. Who invented the word truth? We would be better off not knowing it. Seeking truth, speaking truth..isn't is too much pressure. Our lives don't seem designed to be truthful.